For the love of subs

Yesterday, my mom and I were running some errands. It was 90º F out but it felt more like 199º. We were hot. We were sticky. We got sweaty just walking the 500 feet from the car to the store.

Our last stop was the grocery store, where we were planning on picking up subs for lunch. One turkey and one BLT. Subs. Doesn't that sound like a nice, innocent choice for lunch? By the end of our interesting experience, I was starting to wonder if we had witnessed Divine Intervention in our quest for subs.

First of all, we couldn't get to the store for a very long time. We came upon some unexpected roadwork. There was a maze of scary orange cones and construction workers wearing scary orange uniforms and waving scary orange flags.

Not really. I felt terrible for the poor construction workers out there sweltering on the hot pavement in the 199º sun.

When in the slow, crawling traffic, we got stuck behind a mattress truck that had a very large picture on the back. It was a picture of a man in an awkward yoga position. The man was awkwardly sitting on a mattress. He did not have very many clothes on. He had his eyes closed. I wonder how much he got paid to do that ad. I put my sun visor down so I didn't have to look at it.

After overcoming some momentary Directional Challenges, we found an alternate route to the grocery store. My stomach was growling. I was hungry. I was getting whiny. Okay, I wasn't really really getting whiny. But I wanted to.

We walked into the store, sighing with relief as our over-heated bodies met with cool, refreshing, air-conditioned paradise. I made my way to the chip aisle while Mom went to the sub counter. I returned to the sub counter triumphantly bearing a beautiful blue bag of Sun Chips. My mom was conferring with the young man behind the sub counter. It seemed to be taking a long time, so I went over to see what was going on.

There seemed to be some trouble about the bacon for the BLT. You see, they didn't have any bacon in the immediate vicinity. One of the other employees from the sub counter set off into the dark recesses of the storage to find the bacon. That's when we decided we'd get another kind of sub instead. A BLT was just too complicated.

I called home to see what would be a suitable replacement for the beloved BLT, whereupon the employee returned with the bacon. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or scream. So I did neither.

As the nice sub man handed over the BLT, something rather unexpected happened. The lights blinked off. Everything was quiet. The power had gone out.

I will conclude this account with several closing remarks:

  1. The nice sub man was very excited about the power going out. I think he described it as "awesome". Poor man.
  2. When we left the sub counter, our eyes were glazed over and our tongues were hanging out. Okay, not really. But we could've looked like that if we wanted to.
  3. We finally made it out of the store
  4. We arrived home without any more major mishaps
  5. The subs were (sort of) worth it


Cati said...

this post made me laugh! :)

The Wotrings said...

That's hilarious!